Jan Andrea's home away from home on the web

As I was showering, I was composing in my head the entry I wanted to write -- how I had just read the book "Zen Shorts" (click and read the reviews) to the kids and it had really moved me, in a way that makes me think either I need to become a Buddhist (an atheist Buddhist?) or that my period is coming really soon -- but that's not what I'm writing right now.

Instead, I'm going to moan and kvetch for just a bit. I've been trying to grab the domain sleepingbaby.com for six years now, ever since I started my little business. This week, I thought I was finally going to get it. The previous registrar hadn't done *anything* with it (you'd get a blank screen if you typed it in), and the expiration date was moved to 27 September 2006. I have domain monitoring and backordering set up with GoDaddy for it, so when it became available, it would finally be MINE! But, of course, that's not how it went down. One of those wretched bulk registrars snapped it up, and is holding it hostage for YET ANOTHER YEAR. It's not like people stumbling on the content they now have at www.sleepingbaby.com is going to fool anyone looking for *my* site into buying crap about solving their baby's sleep problems -- people going to sleepingbaby.com looking for slings will (I hope) just try other versions of the name. So I wrote an angry letter to the address that comes up at the bottom, explaining my ire and frustration, and then went to the site of the bulk registrar, swallowed my indignation, and "bid" on what should be my own damn name to the tune of about $250 once all the fees are added up, assuming the a$$wipes who snagged it will play ball for such a small token, which they probably won't >:(

This just really ticks me off. I *loathe* those bulk registrars, soaking small businesses who can ill afford it, and in general making the web browsing experience a more difficult and frustrating one for people trying to find the right site. AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!

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But, this was really supposed to be about "Zen Shorts". And the most important lesson that I took away from the book is to let go of what you can't change.

So. I've had my little anger session about the $&%*$& domain name theives, and it's time for me to accept that either they will sell it to me, or I will simply let it go and be content with sleepingbaby.net. Which is not easy for me. Really really.

Paraphrasing the parable: two monks were walking through the countryside, when they happened upon a well-dressed woman being carried by her two servants. She was stuck up on her platform; the road was covered with water and mud, and her servants could not carry her because there was no place to put down her baggage and thus, herself. So they stood in the rain while she berated them. The older monk took her from the platform, carried her across the muddy road to her house, and without even a thank you, she went inside in a huff. The younger monk watched in silence. As they continued their walk, he brooded about the shabby way his teacher had been treated by the rich woman. Finally, after several hours had passed, he asked his teacher, "Why did you not say anything to the woman? You did a good deed for her, and she did not even thank you!" His teacher replied, "I put her down hours ago. Why are you still carrying her?"

That really gets me. Why am I still carrying so much? It's not as though I even have that much to carry, honestly; I've had a great life, but still brood on past events like that. And, for what? Why am I still carrying them?

And then, though, the cynic raises her head and says, "Well, sure -- with that kind of attitude, why bother voting, or speaking out against injustice at all? Isn't that also just carrying the woman?"

So I need some help here. I probably have a very warped, Westernized view of Buddhism -- existence is suffering, and all that. But there must be a balance between letting go, and making change, right? Existence may *sometimes* be suffering, but if you *can* change it, you *should*, right? Not that I'm looking for rules -- I'd never stop, say, making donations, or trying to do things in person to help others, or voting -- but where is the balance? Do you put down the personal, while keeping the global? Or am I just overthinking this with the zeal of someone who's just "discovered" something new?

Yes, it's true: I judge people. Often without even knowing what their circumstances are. Here's a short list of the people I judge (poorly). Not related to any particular incident -- just for the record. Feel free to add your own, because no matter how lovey-dovey, culturally relativist, and/or sensitive we pretend to be, everyone is, at heart, judgmental. And because I am judgmental, I am also certain to be offensive, so if you are afraid of being offended, don't read this.

I judge parents who smoke with their kids in the car... and parents who smoke... and frankly, people who smoke, period.
I judge parents who strap their kids in a carseat all day and ignore them when they cry.
I judge parents who circumcise their baby boys, or pierce their baby girl's ears, or make other permanent physical alterations to children who can't give informed consent.
I judge parents who prop a bottle in their baby's carseat while they shop.
I judge mothers who choose not to breastfeed when they are physically capable of doing so.
I judge parents who don't discipline their children when said children are terrorizing smaller children at the playground.
I judge people who ride motorcycles without wearing a helmet (it's legal in NH).
I judge people who cheat on their partners. Scratch that, I judge people who cheat, period.
I judge people who drag their children to church/temple/mosque/whatever before their children are capable of understanding what's being fed to them.
I judge people who stare at me when I'm wearing Sophie in a sling, wrap, or mei tai.
I judge stupid people. And ignorant people.
I judge NASCAR fans. And "Desperate Housewives" fans (yes, I know, Mom). And fans of junk TV of all stripes... including myself, when I was hooked on junk TV.
I judge cultures and subcultures where stupidity and ignorance are culturally acceptable or are considered "normal", especially if it means doing stupid or ignorant things to your children (like the abovementioned whatnot).
I judge people who judge other people's sexual behaviour and then try to legislate it away (I'm talking to you, The South).
I judge the fucking Phelps family to be a particularly egregious example of how inbreeding and religion can screw you up.
I judge WalMart for aiding and abetting the systematic persecution and/or subjugation of an entire country's citizens... take your pick, really.
I judge people who send me emails asking questions that are already answered if they would just bother to read a little bit.
I judge people who don't read.
I judge people who steal ideas and pass them off as their own.
I judge teenagers who do stupid things just because "everyone else does it".
I judge adults who do stupid things just because "everyone else does it".
I judge people who don't vote, especially if they later complain about the results.
I judge people who won't clean up their own messes.
I judge American Christians who claim they are being "persecuted" when in fact they have the most special rights of anyone in the country.
I judge people who are trying to teach religion in place of science.
I judge people who claim that all public schoolchildren are brainwashed zombies. (I like homeschooling, but some homeschoolers get stupid about it.)
I judge all other drivers on the highway, especially the ones who tailgate me when I'm already going over the speed limit.
I judge poor spellers.
I judge those who misuse the English grammar.
I judge people who use 'net abbreviations 24/7 (r u there?).
I judge people who think they have all the answers... including myself.
I judge people who are sanctimonious... including myself.
I judge myself for judging so many people, especially without knowing what their circumstances are.

Who do you judge?